Haydn's Nice, But --
He's Not 'Law And Order'
His Symphony No. 90, to be precise; a nice opus, not my favorite, though.
But it's what's on the radio right now.
Did I mention that it's now ... lemme see ... 9:21 p.m. Wednesday night?
At 9:21 p.m. on Wednesday nights, I'm usually not listening to Haydn on the radio. I'm usually watching ''Law and Order.''
I really like ''Law and Order.'' It's one of my favorite shows. I never miss it.
Except for tonight, because the TV cable is out.
And I can't for the life of me recall where or when I last saw my little blue box of mini-screwdrivers that I need to disconnect the cable leads from my TV and hook up the rabbit-ears antenna.
So, I'm listening to a pretty good, but not favorite, Haydn symphony, which, while certainly an ennobling way to spend an evening, is just not ''Law and Order.''
Hold on a sec, while I just turn on the TV to see ...
Nope, still out.
It went out in the middle of the 6 o'clock news. Dr. Neil was about to give the 5-day forecast, when suddenly the screen went blank -- just like that -- and there I was staring at a blizzard of hissing static. I muttered a couple of meaty foc's'le curses, but it was time to head out for dinner anyway, so I turned off the TV and left.
The cable was still out when I got home. Nothing but snow.
Of course, I flipped through all the channels, just to make sure there wasn't anything on anywhere -- a useless maneuver, and I knew it, but it's sort of the cable-TV equivalent of popping the hood when your car suddenly craps out halfway between Desolate and Nowhere. You know you're not going to accomplish anything, but it's just something to DO.
And then (and don't tell me you haven't done the same thing) I sat and watched static for half an hour. Just in case.
After all, you just never know -- the cable could come back on any second, just as suddenly as it went out. Surely the cable people are aware of the problem and even now are hard at work on it. There! Did you see that? A little -- flicker, a fleeting blip in the bland white hiss of static -- that must mean they're about to get it fixed ...
... Or maybe it's just the spark from the furnace cycling on.
At last, bored with watching static and annoyed at being teased by those little electronic hiccups, I resigned myself to calling the cable folks and asking them wassup?
''We haven't had any reported outages in your area,'' the cable lady said. ''We'll check on it, but It's probably your unit. If it is, we'll send someone out between noon and 5 p.m. Tuesday.''
Okay, fine, I said without thinking, and hung up.
Then I did the math.
TUESDAY? She said TUESDAY??
My Lord, I realized -- that's, ummm ... six days off, six and a half if you count tonight.
In TV years, that's six 6 o'clock newses, six of any o'clock newses, in fact. It's four Lenos -- including Monday's ''Headlines'' -- one ''E.R.,'' one ''Providence,'' a ''Nash Bridges,'' four -- FOUR Regises, five ''Wheel of Fortunes,'' one ''Austin City Limits,'' and a ''Third Watch.'' Not to mention those offbeat British sitcoms that come on Channel 8 Saturday nights.
Oh, yes. And the Super Bowl.
Tuesday? As in the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after tomorrow?
This could not be. No. Uh-uh. After all, she DID say they'd ''check it out,'' maybe they've already fixed it. Let's just grab the remote and ... nope. Just more snow.
Dang. Guess I'd better turn the place inside-out and upside-down 'til I find those mini-drivers.
Or plan on listening to a lot of Haydn.
