Quick Brown Fox
Gets A Life
The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog's back.
The quick brown fox jumped onto the lazy dog's back.
The lazy dog jumped up with a startled yelp and tried to shake the quick brown fox off his back.
The lazy dog twisted to and fro, gnashing his teeth at the quick brown fox that had jumped on his back.
The lazy dog just couldn't get hold of the quick brown fox that had jumped on his back because he was a lazy dog and much too fat to reach the quick brown fox.
Now, the quick brown fox was having a fine old time of it, clinging to the lazy dog's back and riding him like a rodeo bull while the lazy dog bucked and whirled and snapped left and snapped right, trying to shake that quick brown fox off his back.
"I've got to go on a diet," the lazy dog said to himself as his flabby midsection shook like a Jell-o mold every time he jumped and twisted, trying to dismount the quick brown fox. "I'll join a gym, and start working out," the lazy dog said (or gasped, actually; the exertion of trying to throw the quick brown fox was wearing him out fast).
"A gym -- yeah, that's the ticket," thought the lazy dog. "I'll work out at the gym, and maybe I'll meet a cute little French poodle on the next treadmill."
Meanwhile, the quick brown fox was beginning to tire of the game. After all, he HAD been aboard the lazy dog's back far longer than the regulation eight seconds, and he really didn't have anything else to prove.
But the lazy dog had gotten so wrapped up in gyms and fitness and a rock-hard six-pack and cute lady poodles that he kept on bucking and tossing and spinning even after he forgot the quick brown fox was there.
Now it was the quick brown fox's turn to worry.
The quick brown fox couldn't jump off the lazy dog's back with him thrashing around so much. He was getting tired and dizzy and just a tad nauseous from hanging on to the lazy dog's back, but he couldn't just let go, because he'd probably break his own back when he hit the ground.
The quick brown fox wondered whatever had possessed him to jump onto the lazy dog's back in the first place. He'd never had any trouble back when he jumped OVER the lazy dog's back.
"Darn that lazy dog, anyway. Why of all places did he always pick the footpath to lie down and nap," mused the quick brown fox, as he clung for dear life to the lazy dog's back.
"I mean, I don't have any problem with the lazy dog's lazy lifestyle," thought the fox. "But why couldn't he be lazy in a doghouse like any other dog? What kind of lazy dog plops himself down on a heavily-traveled footpath and goes to sleep? There oughtta be a law."
" ... yeah, and her name will be Fifi and we'll take long walks on the beach and have lots of puppies ... " the lazy dog was daydreaming, still jumping around in wild circles on the footpath. "And we'll have T-bone steaks every night for dinner -- well-trimmed, don't want to get fat again ... "
Suddenly, who should come down the footpath but a beautiful French poodle. Her name was Gigi, not Fifi, but it's not a perfect world.
"Ooh, la, la," she said. "Such a strong, brave boy. What's your name?"
The lazy dog stopped bucking. "Ah ... um ... " he stammered.
"No, no, no," Gigi said. "You, the foxy little brown bushy-tail on top of that fat, lazy dog's back. I know a nice little bistro just down the path. Let's go have a latte and get to know each other better."
"Mais oui!" said the quick brown fox as he jumped down off the lazy dog's back. "My name's Renard, what's yours?"
The lazy dog dejectedly lay down across the footpath. "I need a nap," he sighed.
So the quick brown fox and the cute French poodle jumped over the lazy dog's back.
And they lived happily ever after.
