It's Veto or be Vetoed
On the Argument-field
FROM: Maj. Gen. Softsope
Cultural Sensitivity Command
RE: CULSENCOM Directive 09-01-2.3(a)
First off, we would like to commend all of you who offered positive feedback to our order that "Operation Infinite Justice" be re-named "Operation Enduring Freedom" to avoid any appearance of insensitivity to the Muslim Community's tenet that only Allah can mete out "Infinite" justice. And, while this Office appreciated all the alternative names for the Operation submitted from the field, we unfortunately must point out that several suggestions involving "Justice" and various bodily orifices/functions did not appropriately serve the goals of this Office.
We also encourage your continued avoidance of such culturally-insensitive terms such as "crusade," out of consideration to the many persons in our host countries who bear painful memories of this recent 11th-13th century unpleasantness, and "terrorist," considered by some potentially allied assets in the present theater of operations as "freedom fighters."
Now, as Operation Enduring Freedom appears to be moving toward an in-country engagement, we are expanding our culturally-sensitive lexicon with an eye toward avoiding the appearance of hostility toward our opponents, who will henceforth be called "ideologically-alternative personnel" rather than "the enemy." Our forces will be called "regional stability facilitators."
Drawing from Robert's Rules of order, we strongly encourage the following substitutions for common warfighting terminology:
-- "Heated difference of opinion" for "battle."
-- "Vetoed" for "killed," "amended" for "wounded," "referred to committee" for "captured," and "tabled" for "missing in action."
For example, a hypothetical dispatch from the front lines might read, "Following a heated difference of opinion at the Kabul airport, some 124 ideologically-alternative personnel were vetoed and 57 referred to committee. Only 20 regional stability facilitators were vetoed; however, another 17 are tabled and feared vetoed."
We have also come up with other non-aggressive terms for various weapons and operations.
-- Missiles, bombs, artillery shells, and similar high-explosive weapons will be referred to as "Architectural Re-Distribution Aids." Precision air strikes will be referred to as "ground facility remodeling," while high-altitude strategic operations will be called "landscape management" rather than the politically-incorrect, Vietnam-era "carpet bombing."
Thus, a particular action might be reported: "F-117 Stealth fighters armed with a variety of architectural re-distribution aids remodeled ground facilities at an ideologically-alternative personnel barracks near the Pakistani border, vetoing 57 and amending 38 on the ground. A coordinated landscape management mission by 100 B-52 aircraft is believed to have architecturally re-distributed seven villages thought to have been used by Osama bin-Laden's freedom fighter forces as bases of operation."
Finally, small-unit or individual actions involving sidearms, rifles, machine guns, bayonets, and other personal weapons shall be referred to as "Arguments" and "Rebuttals."
Example: "A platoon of regional stability facilitators used M-16s and a Humvee-mounted 50-caliber machine gun to rebut a surprise argument by a superior force of ideologically-alternative personnel in a box canyon north of Kandahar. Although the ideologically-alternative personnel outnumbered the regional stability facilitators at least 2-to-1, most of them referred themselves to committee after several key officers were vetoed or amended.
"Others, unwilling to be referred to committee alive, unfortunately elected to veto themselves."
Thank you,
And God/Jehovah/Allah/Yaweh/Your Higher Power Bless/Favor/Protect/Gaze Kindly Upon America (Including but not limited to Anglo-Americans, African-Americans, Latinos, Southern European or Mediterraean-Americans, Asian and Pacific Islanders, Inuit/Aleut, and Native Americans.)
