Contemplating The
Dot-Cosmos
No, I'm not here to tell you they've cured the common cold -- but they ARE getting ready to put Mars on the Internet.
A news item from the ZDNN technology wire recently announced that:
"E.T. may not be able to phone home anytime soon, but the lovable alien may be able to send e-mail -- if a draft proposal released [by the Internet Engineering Task Force] for an interplanetary Internet takes flight ..."
" ... The proposal calls for a network of Internets to facilitate communication among planets, satellites, asteroids, robotic spacecraft and crewed vehicles and create a stable interplanetary backbone network."
Now, I'm all in favor of progress, but is this a Pandora's Box we really want to open?
Seems to me we have quite enough viruses, hackers, hoaxes, urban legends and junk e-mail right here on Earth just now to keep us plenty busy. It's enough trouble keeping a weather eye out for jerks in Belgium launching viruses that destroy our computers' hard drives; do we really want to worry about bored teen-agers on Antares-9 de-molecularizing our computers -- and everything else within a 5-mile radius?
And aren't we wasting more than enough time deleting come-hithers from "Hot Lonely College Girls Bare All 4U?" Boy, I can't wait until I start getting spammed by "SeXXXXy, Slimy Slug Sluts From Ganymede!"
Of course, for every negative there is a positive. Right now, this column goes out on my website to readers from Australia to Spain. Imagine what an ego stroke it would be to hear from some reader out on Rigel-B: "Hey, loved your piece on thunderstorms. Boy, you should have seen the gravity warp that hit US last week. Swallowed a whole trailer park!" (Hey, some laws of Nature apply no matter where in the Universe you are!)
And just think how neat it would be to correspond with "e-pals" from Moonbase I to the Andromeda Galaxy. I've already shared a couple of SPF-25 Christmases with friends in Australia, where Santa comes in midsummer; maybe one day a friend on Saturn will wax poetic about "how beautifully the rings shimmer through the methane clouds this time of year."
Of course, the corresponding guilt trip when I ignore requests to "forward this to 25 friends each in 25 different star systems" may dim the glow of cyber-chatting across the cosmos just a bit.
There is a REAL glitch to consider, says ZDNN: "Space poses other problems as well. Signals are more easily intercepted by others, making sturdy security a must, and data loss will be a routine occurrence ... "
Now, I'm not real anxious to see what happens to my credit rating once some astro-hacker posts my Visa number from here to Orion. Or to have my e-mail address sold to hucksters pitching time-shares on luxury private asteroids, mining scams on Mars, Jovian herbal aphrodisiacs, Neptunian dating services and low-APR gold cards from the First National Bank of Betelgeuse.
And that bit about "data loss" is a big bugaboo: Bad enough to get dumped by an AOL server in your own telephone exchange; what happens when that rude "Good-bye" comes from 45 light-years away?
May as well put the coffee on -- that's one connection you won't get back for a LONG time.
